Milwaukee Bucks Anticipate Winning Next Year’s Lottery

The Milwaukee Bucks have used their 2007 NBA lottery draft pick to help the team win the lottery next year. The choice of Yi Jianlian, who does not even want to play for the team, should help to propel them to the worst record in the NBA, setting the stage for a few more chances to land next year’s top pick. While Jianlian has been compared to Toni Kukoc, mostly for his abilities in English as a Second Language, he will become another power forward to the frontcourt, allowing Charlie Villanueva to move to his natural position on the bench. Yi’s presence will also allow Andrew Bogut to continue to focus on automobile dealerships commercials rather than becoming a dominant force on the inside.

Some fans might ask, “Why didn’t the Bucks just keep Toni Kukoc, and draft someone who others compare to Michael Jordan, especially when the guy people compare to Kukoc only shoots 20% from three-point range?” Some fans might be right, as everyone knows Eastern Europeans can play well into their 40s, whereas very little is known about the stamina of Asian players. And the whole stereotype that Asians are sneaky doesn’t even mean much when the guy is 7’0” tall. Maybe if he was the Chinese Steve Nash, that would be something.

Experts predict that Jianlian will pretend he does not know any English whatsoever and flail his arms a lot, which should be familiar to fans of Andrew Bogut and Dan Gadzuric. Also familiar to Bucks fans will be a player that thinks he’s better than Milwaukee and who will be nothing but trouble until he is traded away. No doubt Chinese fans, and there are a lot of them, will be excited about another Chinese player in the NBA. Unfortunately, Chinese people do not have as much disposable income as the Japanese, who regularly fill karaoke bars in cities with Japanese baseball players. The possibility exists that the Bucks front office actually thought that Yi Jianlian is Japanese, especially since some people believe all Asians, or Orientals if you will, look alike. However, the reality is that all blonde white men look alike. Just think about that one for a second.

This just in: Sun Yue was just said to be the Chinese Toni Kukoc. Is this code for something? Is every Chinese basketball player just like Toni Kukoc? Well, they are communists, so maybe they teach all of their children to play basketball like Toni—perchance he filmed some sort of training video for the Chinese government. Or, are there 1 billion copies of a Bulls championship series on betamax in China?

For their second round pick, the Milwaukee Bucks chose Billy Donovan, the coach from Florida, and the sixth person drafted from the team. However, NBA Commissioner David Stern put a stop to the pick, claiming that only players could be drafted. Once this fact was presented, the Bucks chose Greg Oden of Ohio State. Unfortunately, Oden had already been taken, and Milwaukee was threatened with severe reprimands if the team did not take the 56th overall pick seriously. The announcement then came that the Bucks wanted to pick Optimus Prime, and once the team got over the initial chuckles and stern glances from David, they chose Ramon Sessions who will likely replace Mo Williams at point guard, or may play center, just for giggles, and is another 20% three-point shooter.

Surely, barring any major personnel changes from the current lineup, the most important day for the Bucks next year will be next year’s draft day. If you’d like to buy a Bucks 10-pack, click here. Also, here is the poll the Milwaukee Bucks put up before the draft:
Yi Jianlian of China will likely be a top pick. Your advice to Bucks GM Larry Harris is:
• Too Risky, not enough of a resume (52%)
• Go For It, comparison to Toni Kukoc excites me (48%)