Bush Mixes Metaphors but Makes Meaning Clear

President Bush stated in a recent interview that Iraq had “fumbled” the Saddam hanging and made Saddam’s execution look like a revenge killing when it carried out the sentence of the former dictator last month. The President said that it was “a home run for the Iraqi government to handle the trial of the clearly guilty Saddam in such an unbiased and swift method. But then, when it came to execute him, they muffed the snap and it looked like it was kind of a revenge killing.”

The President was pleased that, “this shows that Iraqis can administer justice unlike the foul balls Saddam had himself carried out.” He was pleased with the trials they got. “The trials, those were a slam dunk.” Bush continued, “I was disappointed and felt like they (Iraqi officials) fumbled the - particularly the Saddam Hussein – execution.”

Said Bush, “I expressed my disappointment to Prime Minister Maliki when I talked to him the other day." Bush was concerned because, "it basically says to people, look, you conducted a trial and gave Saddam justice that he didn't give to others. It just goes to show that this is a government that has still got some maturation to do. You know, it’s OK to fault, just not double-fault.”

When asked about the depth of his disappointment, Bush ceded, “Do you know just how hard it is to sell this thing when they keep acting like this? Man, 2006 was just a crummy year in Iraq. Thought it was gonna go my way, but it didn’t. It was a real rebuilding season."

Apparently, Maliki’s decision to kill Saddam ahead of a statutory waiting period upset the President’s plan to tout the maturity of the Iraqi government and garner support for increasing the American presence in Iraq. “The American people have memories like them elephants; they don’t forget this kind of stuff. And if they don’t forget, I can’t get my redo.”

A Real Wisconsin News reporter, pointing out that Bush’s statements were a bit confusing as to whether he was glad Saddam was executed, asked if Bush was in fact glad Saddam had been executed. Bush jumped up and yelled, “Yer damn right, he threatened my daddy; he threatened my daddy! Damn right I’m glad that sommabitch is dead. Just wish they hadn’t put it on that Youtube. That’s a real mental error. My daughter showed me the video on the computer box, and that video of her shouldn’t be on there, neither.”