While baseball has retired #42 for all players, NASCAR has a #42, and he’s a minority, just like Jackie Robinson, and just like Jackie, is trying to break into a sport dominated by whites. Unfortunately, Montoya is Colombian, and not exactly African-American, or even Mexican. Montoya did, however, finish 8th in the race, to which President Bush noted, “That’s probably the best a non-white person ever finished in an automobile race, I reckon”
Unfortunately for Bush, Montoya has already won a NASCAR Busch Series race, and aides were scrambling to see if Colombian is technically a minority group in America. Either way, Montoya is not exactly breaking in to racing this year, even though it is his rookie NASCAR season. He has finished in the top five as a Formula 1 racer, and has even won the Indianapolis 500.
“This just goes to show,” said Bush, attempting to cover his staff’s lack of research, “even people who speak Mexican can do good in our country if they work hard and keep their ears clean. Just remember that the true meaning Jackie Robinson Day shone clearly through the high-octane smog today, that we can all get along if we work hard, believe in God, and stay the course.”
One NASCAR fan in the crowd beamed, “I think that Juan Carlos guy is such a funny little foreigner. Look at him, five-and-a-half feet tall, and he’s racing against these men. It’s a real inspiration for my son because he wants to be quarterback at A&M someday, and he’s only five-foot-six. That Mexican just better steer clear of my daughter.” The general crowd feeling about Montoya was fairly consistent, with most people being very excited about a non-white racer who should stay away from daughters competing.
The Roger Maris family was in the crowd at the request of the Bush administration to issue the Jackie Robinson Black Like Me Award to Juan Montoya as the first possibly-minority driver in NASCAR. “I have no idea why I’m here,” said Roger Maris’s grandson, minutes before Bush administration lackeys brought Willy T. Ribbs to the attention of the president. “Al Gore should have never invented the internet,” Bush said as he was led out of the bleachers with a corn dog and nachos. Bush’s gesture, though destroyed by ignorance, was legitimate, as Bush wants once again to be the uniter rather than the divider. He wants little Columbians and little trailer parkers to race against one another in circles of perfect harmony, sort of like the circle of life, or the circle of truth that fights against the axis of evil. Unfortunately, facts sometimes get in the way of political ideals. Bush, however, works very hard to control those facts, and he does this for all of us.
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